I really like hitting that reset/refresh button in life. There are those times when I feel like I'm coming up short on this or that... lagging behind on something... too many things to do, not enough time to do them... y'know. But then there are those days when I get everything I wanted to get done DONE, and sometimes even more. Like, doing something I've been meaning & wanting to do for days or weeks... those days when everything just sort of falls into place and you feel so productive & accomplished. Ah. I like those days. It's like showering... sometimes it's a pain in the neck to shower, but once you do it, it's like - SWEET! Don't have to shower again for a day or two.
But maybe I need to learn how to be more content with leaving things undone & realizing everything is a process. And that a lot of moments in time are just phases. Sometimes life is busy, sometimes life moves at a slower pace.
I feel like lately I've let thoughts of not being "enough" get to me. Ugh, I don't like it. Like, am I being a good/creative enough mom for Jaden? Am I teaching him enough? Am I being selfless & loving enough to Nick? How can I be a better, more fun/thoughtful wife??? Or I'll just think, "I wish I were more brave. Or more patient. I wish I had time for doing things I want to do [drawing/writing/playing music/CREATING], rather than just the things I have to do."
How do you balance everything in life? I crave to fill my life with creativity & happiness & things that are inspiring and colorful and artistic and fun... I crave to spend more time improving any talents & hobbies I may have. But all too often, my day speeds by in a fuzzy blur & before I know it, it's time for bed. And I would happily stay up later to invest time in those things if I didn't have to be up when my child gets up for the day [too early ;)] the next morning... :)
I think this "unsettled" feeling I've been having is a clue that I need to change something. Maybe I just need to manage my time better? Come up with more fun activities to do with Jaden? Think of ways to pamper my spouse more often? I wouldn't classify myself as a super structured person... but maybe a little more structure to my day would help me find time to do things & feel more accomplished. I don't know. Tips? Anyone?
I am a firm believer in positive thinking, though. I know that dwelling on negative thoughts for too long can get the best of anyone. I am proud of myself for other things I'm doing - like exercising every morning. I was never a very good exerciser, but I love that it's become a habit of mine ever since a month or two after Jaden was born. I love staying healthy and taking care of myself. It's not even a "chore" anymore - I honestly look forward to my workout sessions with my personal YouTube trainers each morning [XHIT is my latest fave!].
And also, I hope that didn't come across as me saying that I feel unsatisfied with my life as a mom! I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world!!! I love taking care of Jaden and would be heartbroken if anyone else took the lead on that. I guess what my question boils down to is one I already asked -- how do you balance everything in life? And what are different ways to make the day-to-day life more exciting & meaningful? I think I just need more ideas of things to do with my almost one-year old... and okay, I miss being close to family where we can hang out during the day together, which always spices things up! :) :(
Anyway. I just had to write down all this mumbo jumbo. I really would love any advice if anyone has some to offer... :)